August 14, 2008 8:34 p.m.
Nobody Knows the Trouble I See……
Several have emailed or texted me to ask why I was still pissed off and as always, I feel that writing is a way to release the tension and anger that I feel at that time, so let me share with you what has happened and why my world has been turned upside down- that is for the moment because like the phoenix- still I rise!
Anyway, pushing the bullcorn aside, as I’ve shared before I was looking forward to returning to work this school year because I have so many things that I want to share and do with my students! I’ve talked to many over the summer and it has really fired me up! Well, on last Friday, I went to the school to get a jump start on locating my things so I could get started. I couldn’t find a thing!!! My students who still “hang” with my told me that they saw my stuff animals in the hallway the other week but as we walked the halls, I couldn’t find a thing! I let it ride.
After we got out of our session on Monday, I went looking for my things AGAIN. We were told that all of our things were placed in a the old auto mechanic shop. Well we couldn’t get in. So I decided to wait till the next day. You know by this time I was totally PISSED OFF! Well on Tuesday, I finally got in the shop and I only found two bags and my dry erase boards!!!! I was hot! So, I spent the rest of the day in tears. On Wednesday, I walked the building with the lead custodian and I was able to locate my printer, the three computers from my after school program and possibly my computer. That made me 25% better.
I wasn’t feeling the “love” from the APs, so I went directly to the principal and explained what was going on. He told me what had happened over the summer and that those items were possibly taken to the warehouse or thrown out, but he was gracious and empathic to tell me he was sorry that it had happened and to write down everything that I could remember that I’m missing and he’s going to do his best to help me replace things. That made me feel about 50% better BUT there is still a void; let me tell you why.
What I am missing is MORE than just some teaching materials that I’ve collected within the past two years- It’s what I have gathered in the past 11 years!!!!! What is more upsetting is the fact that I did what I was told by the Plant Operator. He told me that they were moving my room that day, (Monday after school ended.) So, I, along with my co-worker from Jones H.S., his wife and grandchildren, packed up room-EVERYTHING in my room. We put locks on the cabinets and taped up the other file cabinets as well as my desk with things in it. I labeled EVERYTHING that was movable AND I put signs on EVERYTHING with my name AND my cell phone number stating that if I am needed to come and help move my room PLEASE call. That DID NOT HAPPEN! They packed the things that were in the closet and placed them in bags; which by the way they broke some things. Evidently, the other stuff was taken out with all of the other things being moved from the third floor to make room for the new school.
I feel as if part of my life is gone for you see, there were personal things among those items such as my stuff animals, which have value to me because my former principal and former students had given them to me; pictures of my son, grandson and students as well as other tokens given to me by my students and parents. My Georgie Award from the Ensemble Theatre and all of my space shuttles and astronauts are gone. I used those every school year when we do introductions the first two days of class. Now a few of those things I can replace, but what I have no hope of recreating are the documents that show how many professional development hours I have had accumulated the past two years! You ask why is that important? Well, let me tell you why- in 2011 I have to provide documents showing the number of hours of professional development that I have in order to renew my certification. I need 500 hours. The documents that I can not find proved that I had over 150 hours for the past two years!!! All of that isn’t on the system, so now I have to try to make those hours up. My certification determines whether or not I keep my job!
I’m missing the teacher’s desk, two school cabinets full of materials as well as my personal file cabinet and clear buckets with supplies in it. I’m missing three personal book cases, trash can and A LOT of supplies to make my room “print rich” which include letters, border, print cartridges, construction paper, pencils, pens and other creative art supplies; books that I used to do activities and for improvement because I’m constantly trying to better myself as a teacher.
It’s going to take me awhile to get things back the way that I had them. It is a goal to try to improve as the years go by and this was my year to take it to a whole different level- that’s why I was so excited about returning to work. At this point, I feel like a brand new teacher who has to pull together resources so that my students won’t suffer.
Yes, I was pissed off on Monday, cried on Tuesday, barely day there on Wednesday but I’m thankful to God that I began to rebuild on today. When I woke up this morning, I asked God to renew my mind and to give me a better attitude as I went to work. I asked Him to make things better for me so that I don’t whine and complain and feel sorry for myself. I prayed that He would fire me back up so I can get back on track and be ready for the 25th. I have one more call to make and hopefully that will bring me the results that I HOPE for; but to prepare me for what may not be the best. I’ll mourn the lost of my personal things; I can’t help it because that’s just the human side of me and its been a VERY emotional summer for me so any little thing sends me into tears, but I know that “my God shall provide all my needs according to His riches,” and I’ll be able to ask Him for the what I need as long as I am abiding in His word. I’ve been trying hard to put everything into the proper perspective by not valuing things that I can’t take with me into eternality.
So to wrap this up, I’m thankful to God for the blessing of even going through this because it once again allows me to fully trust and depend on Him for my needs. It also is going to allow me to tap a little deeper into my creative side to ensure that my students aren’t walking into a bare room on the 25th and that we’ll be able to do our creative arts on day one to begin our school year with a bang. I know that a lot of folks are worried about the test and whether or not the students will maintain and/or rise to the occasion to make our school recognized, but I’m concerned as well about making life long learners who are capable, able and equipped to be productive citizens. Yes, I looking for a 90% when the test scores come back in May but I know that it is so much more than that. Thanks for your concerns and prayers- I really appreciate it and I’ll keep you informed as my students make progress and they WILL make progress.
Be Blessed!! 10:06 p.m.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
old blog- When Death Comes Knocking 8/11
August 11, 2008 10:07 p.m.
When Death Comes Knocking…..
In the past two days, we have lost two prominent celebrities – Bernard Jeffery McCullough bna Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, Mr. Hot Butter Soul Man himself. Both will be sorely missed. The comic antics of Bernie and the smooth seductive voice of Isaac. Both are known to us all around the country but death has also knocked on our community door as well. Just this past week, The Swift family buried Alfred J. Swift, Sr. and the Johnson Family laid to rest Ellis Johnson, Jr. Alfred’s children went to Jones with me and Ellis Johnson’s grandson is a classmate of mine. He was touched on both sides because Mr. Swift was his future father-in-law. Another classmate, Raymond, aunt passed away the same weekend as our reunion.
When I think about others as well, it makes me even MORE thankful that God has given me another chance. In the words of Chester Baldwin, its more than a second chance because I’ve used that up a long time ago. My heart ached for the couple who were on their honeymoon in Antiqua and were killed. The groom just died a couple of days ago. Both had promising careers but tomorrow wasn’t promised to them. I think about the children who are missing and presumed dead- they won’t have the chance to take the state tests, participate in their high school activities nor apply to colleges let alone attend.
I think back to June 20, 1997 when my beloved father went home to be with God. I really do miss him but his body was tried and we had to let him go. It was a very emotional time and still is when certain things take place. Were we ready for it? No, we were not.
We were totally taken off guard, but death doesn’t wait for no one.
This brings me to my main point……
When death comes knocking for either you or a love one, will you be ready? We hear in church allllllll the time, “You better get your house ready!” Some folks think that it means to clean up the house that they live in but the “house” that they are referring to is that which is you- physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
Many of us help death physically because we don’t take care of our bodies. Our bodies are plagued with diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure and cholesterol, kidney disease, lung disease, acid reflux you name, we’ve got it. A lot of it has to do what we eat. Mentally, we are so stressed by the pressured of life that we can’t handle things and we restore to other things to help us maintain which sometimes leads us to death. We aren’t able to grasp realistically what has taken place and in some cases, we totally lose it-especially at the services. Spiritually, we are so disconnected from God’s will because of our own will that we don’t understand it when a saint goes home. We question God of why would He do this to us? I asked God this and He gave me the answer – I was so depended on my father that I forgot to depend on Him. He’ll grab your attention one way or another. Financially we are ready because we leave our families in a bind. We don’t have any life insurance or annuities or even a will with directions. We walk around like we have all the time in the world, but we don’t. We don’t know when our number will be called so we can’t live life as if it is promised to us forever. The only thing that we can say for certain that if we accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior and LIVE for Him, (not doing the lip service of saying it but doing a whole other thing) we are promised eternal life.
So let’s wrap this up… when death comes knocking make sure you are ready physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. Take care of your bodies so that your body won’t be a hindrance. Get yourself together mentally by watching what you feed your mind, who you allow in your world and the way that you think about yourself. Spiritually, get to connected to the source of life, to the one who can give you eternal life. God has already told us that he would never leave us nor forsake us. Financially, make sure that your family isn’t having to beg in the newspaper or sell chicken dinners on the side of the road because they can’t bury you since you didn’t leave them any provisions!!! Get some life insurance!!!!!! And above all, LEAVE A WILL!!!! One of the biggest destruction of a family is when one dies and folks don’t know how to act sensibly. Trust me, I’ve seen it, heard it AND experienced it as well. It’s not a happy picnic- many feelings are hurt or bruised; thus families begin to disband. If you didn’t know it or not, satan loves it when families don’t stay together. As Bro. Tyler Perry has stated, “A family that prays together, stays together.”
My family, let’s make sure that we continue to encourage, lift up, show compassion and support one another so that when death comes knocking, you’ll be able to handle it on ALLL levels and I want have to watch them pack your crazy butt out of the church for falling out!!!
Be Blessed and love you all!!!!!
11:31 p.m.
When Death Comes Knocking…..
In the past two days, we have lost two prominent celebrities – Bernard Jeffery McCullough bna Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, Mr. Hot Butter Soul Man himself. Both will be sorely missed. The comic antics of Bernie and the smooth seductive voice of Isaac. Both are known to us all around the country but death has also knocked on our community door as well. Just this past week, The Swift family buried Alfred J. Swift, Sr. and the Johnson Family laid to rest Ellis Johnson, Jr. Alfred’s children went to Jones with me and Ellis Johnson’s grandson is a classmate of mine. He was touched on both sides because Mr. Swift was his future father-in-law. Another classmate, Raymond, aunt passed away the same weekend as our reunion.
When I think about others as well, it makes me even MORE thankful that God has given me another chance. In the words of Chester Baldwin, its more than a second chance because I’ve used that up a long time ago. My heart ached for the couple who were on their honeymoon in Antiqua and were killed. The groom just died a couple of days ago. Both had promising careers but tomorrow wasn’t promised to them. I think about the children who are missing and presumed dead- they won’t have the chance to take the state tests, participate in their high school activities nor apply to colleges let alone attend.
I think back to June 20, 1997 when my beloved father went home to be with God. I really do miss him but his body was tried and we had to let him go. It was a very emotional time and still is when certain things take place. Were we ready for it? No, we were not.
We were totally taken off guard, but death doesn’t wait for no one.
This brings me to my main point……
When death comes knocking for either you or a love one, will you be ready? We hear in church allllllll the time, “You better get your house ready!” Some folks think that it means to clean up the house that they live in but the “house” that they are referring to is that which is you- physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
Many of us help death physically because we don’t take care of our bodies. Our bodies are plagued with diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure and cholesterol, kidney disease, lung disease, acid reflux you name, we’ve got it. A lot of it has to do what we eat. Mentally, we are so stressed by the pressured of life that we can’t handle things and we restore to other things to help us maintain which sometimes leads us to death. We aren’t able to grasp realistically what has taken place and in some cases, we totally lose it-especially at the services. Spiritually, we are so disconnected from God’s will because of our own will that we don’t understand it when a saint goes home. We question God of why would He do this to us? I asked God this and He gave me the answer – I was so depended on my father that I forgot to depend on Him. He’ll grab your attention one way or another. Financially we are ready because we leave our families in a bind. We don’t have any life insurance or annuities or even a will with directions. We walk around like we have all the time in the world, but we don’t. We don’t know when our number will be called so we can’t live life as if it is promised to us forever. The only thing that we can say for certain that if we accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior and LIVE for Him, (not doing the lip service of saying it but doing a whole other thing) we are promised eternal life.
So let’s wrap this up… when death comes knocking make sure you are ready physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. Take care of your bodies so that your body won’t be a hindrance. Get yourself together mentally by watching what you feed your mind, who you allow in your world and the way that you think about yourself. Spiritually, get to connected to the source of life, to the one who can give you eternal life. God has already told us that he would never leave us nor forsake us. Financially, make sure that your family isn’t having to beg in the newspaper or sell chicken dinners on the side of the road because they can’t bury you since you didn’t leave them any provisions!!! Get some life insurance!!!!!! And above all, LEAVE A WILL!!!! One of the biggest destruction of a family is when one dies and folks don’t know how to act sensibly. Trust me, I’ve seen it, heard it AND experienced it as well. It’s not a happy picnic- many feelings are hurt or bruised; thus families begin to disband. If you didn’t know it or not, satan loves it when families don’t stay together. As Bro. Tyler Perry has stated, “A family that prays together, stays together.”
My family, let’s make sure that we continue to encourage, lift up, show compassion and support one another so that when death comes knocking, you’ll be able to handle it on ALLL levels and I want have to watch them pack your crazy butt out of the church for falling out!!!
Be Blessed and love you all!!!!!
11:31 p.m.
Old Blog - Love Is
August 5, 2008 8:33 p.m.
Love is…..
For the past two days I’ve been trying to make sense of this chaos that is in my head and in my life right now. I’ve been asking God to help me to understand the concepts of love and forgiveness in relationship to administering it to others. Sometimes we are quick to ask for both of them, but when it is time to extend the same to others, we struggle with it. I guess its human nature. It’s so ironic how we want others to be perfect but we know darn well that there isn’t a cell in our body that is. We set high expectation in relationships for others when we know we aren’t able to meet a tenth of what we are asking for!!! Isn’t it funny how I can look at you and point out all of your faults and imperfections but I can’t see anything wrong with me when it is some of the same crap? People…. and ladies, we are QUICK to do that- to each other and especially to our men.
We know we live in a world with double standards and we constantly fight to break those standards and to make things right, but will they ever be right? Heck naw, but it is our duty as human to strive to live to first and foremost treat everyone right DESPITE the way they treat you. We’ve got to put an end to the Fred Sanford’s way of thinking, “Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you.” I do believe that if we take the time to stop judging each other and begin to love others the way that we want to be love, then and only then will things change. It all begins with YOU. You make the change and as the atmosphere around you changes, so will those who you associate with.
Sometimes in our lives we have to “prune” people and things that are around us. I’m finding out that the pruning HURTS, REAL BAD sometimes. There are some who we want to hold on to because we feel that it will get better but we know that deep down, it won’t and then you’ll find yourself slipping into depression and everything else. You’ll find yourself feeling blue alllllll of the time. Cut it loose and allow God to heal you and move you to your next level. What is the use of being in relationships, friendship or intimate wise, if you aren’t going to grown from the experience? Don’t dwell on the negative things that happen; it’ll make you bitter and sour- but dwell on the good things and take the negative things, examine them or analyze them and THEN turn then into a POSIVITE.
I want to share with you something that I’ve read in a daily mediation that I get through my email.
The theme for the past few issues has been on judging others
using mercy, compassion, love. Let us always keep in mind
that God will also judge us. Remember, too, that God sees
the hidden motives of our heart in all of our actions,
and not just the outward actions themselves, when He
judges us. I thank the Lord for His mercy and grace.
Help me, Lord, to show that mercy and grace to others.
God Bless You!
Annie
Here is a bit of wisdom that she dropped on us as well. I don’t know who Teresa is, but it has strength in it.
--TODAY'S BIT OF WISDOM/REFLECTION:
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Teresa
Even though we try to fake and shake each other, God knows and He is the final judge. So let’s love each other as God loves us. Let us forgive each other as God forgives us. Let us show the compassion and mercy as God shows us. I often think of I Corinthians 13 and what love is : “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not arrogant; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails!!!” 4-8a.
Wow! As I look back, I’ve been able to do some of these things and now my expectation is to do it all whether it is with my family, my friends, who ever I chose to be in a relationship with, my co-workers, my students, my classmates, my church folks, people who I meet on a regular basis and most of all, myself; we often fail to love ourselves and those we can’t love others.
Let me say this, IF I have failed to show you love in anyway, please forgive me and allow me to do so from this point on. I want to leave you with the words to this song, (You know I love my music), Love by Texas own, Kirk Franklin.
Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat 4 times)
Verse 1 Love a word that comes and goes
but few people really know what it means to really love somebody
love though the tears may fade away I’m so glad your love will stay
'cause I love you and you show me Jesus what it really means to love
Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat twice)
Bridge The nights that I cry you love me
when I should have died you love me
I’ll never know why you love me
its a mystery to me now that I can finally see Jesus
When all was gone you love me
You gave me a song that you love me
now I can go on 'cause you love me
its a mystery to me now that I can finally see Jesus
What it really means what it really means what it really means
To love .............................................................
Patient, patient kind
That's love To love...........................
Patient ,patient kind That's love
Nuf’ said- love you all and I mean it from the depths of my heart.
Be blessed!
Love is…..
For the past two days I’ve been trying to make sense of this chaos that is in my head and in my life right now. I’ve been asking God to help me to understand the concepts of love and forgiveness in relationship to administering it to others. Sometimes we are quick to ask for both of them, but when it is time to extend the same to others, we struggle with it. I guess its human nature. It’s so ironic how we want others to be perfect but we know darn well that there isn’t a cell in our body that is. We set high expectation in relationships for others when we know we aren’t able to meet a tenth of what we are asking for!!! Isn’t it funny how I can look at you and point out all of your faults and imperfections but I can’t see anything wrong with me when it is some of the same crap? People…. and ladies, we are QUICK to do that- to each other and especially to our men.
We know we live in a world with double standards and we constantly fight to break those standards and to make things right, but will they ever be right? Heck naw, but it is our duty as human to strive to live to first and foremost treat everyone right DESPITE the way they treat you. We’ve got to put an end to the Fred Sanford’s way of thinking, “Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you.” I do believe that if we take the time to stop judging each other and begin to love others the way that we want to be love, then and only then will things change. It all begins with YOU. You make the change and as the atmosphere around you changes, so will those who you associate with.
Sometimes in our lives we have to “prune” people and things that are around us. I’m finding out that the pruning HURTS, REAL BAD sometimes. There are some who we want to hold on to because we feel that it will get better but we know that deep down, it won’t and then you’ll find yourself slipping into depression and everything else. You’ll find yourself feeling blue alllllll of the time. Cut it loose and allow God to heal you and move you to your next level. What is the use of being in relationships, friendship or intimate wise, if you aren’t going to grown from the experience? Don’t dwell on the negative things that happen; it’ll make you bitter and sour- but dwell on the good things and take the negative things, examine them or analyze them and THEN turn then into a POSIVITE.
I want to share with you something that I’ve read in a daily mediation that I get through my email.
The theme for the past few issues has been on judging others
using mercy, compassion, love. Let us always keep in mind
that God will also judge us. Remember, too, that God sees
the hidden motives of our heart in all of our actions,
and not just the outward actions themselves, when He
judges us. I thank the Lord for His mercy and grace.
Help me, Lord, to show that mercy and grace to others.
God Bless You!
Annie
Here is a bit of wisdom that she dropped on us as well. I don’t know who Teresa is, but it has strength in it.
--TODAY'S BIT OF WISDOM/REFLECTION:
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Teresa
Even though we try to fake and shake each other, God knows and He is the final judge. So let’s love each other as God loves us. Let us forgive each other as God forgives us. Let us show the compassion and mercy as God shows us. I often think of I Corinthians 13 and what love is : “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not arrogant; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails!!!” 4-8a.
Wow! As I look back, I’ve been able to do some of these things and now my expectation is to do it all whether it is with my family, my friends, who ever I chose to be in a relationship with, my co-workers, my students, my classmates, my church folks, people who I meet on a regular basis and most of all, myself; we often fail to love ourselves and those we can’t love others.
Let me say this, IF I have failed to show you love in anyway, please forgive me and allow me to do so from this point on. I want to leave you with the words to this song, (You know I love my music), Love by Texas own, Kirk Franklin.
Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat 4 times)
Verse 1 Love a word that comes and goes
but few people really know what it means to really love somebody
love though the tears may fade away I’m so glad your love will stay
'cause I love you and you show me Jesus what it really means to love
Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat twice)
Bridge The nights that I cry you love me
when I should have died you love me
I’ll never know why you love me
its a mystery to me now that I can finally see Jesus
When all was gone you love me
You gave me a song that you love me
now I can go on 'cause you love me
its a mystery to me now that I can finally see Jesus
What it really means what it really means what it really means
To love .............................................................
Patient, patient kind
That's love To love...........................
Patient ,patient kind That's love
Nuf’ said- love you all and I mean it from the depths of my heart.
Be blessed!
A New Blog Is Born
This is my first attempt to blog on this site. I found the site through a good friend and classmate. Thanks Fred or better known Mocha Dad. Since I've already have some other places in which I blog, I'm not going to totally start anew here. So if you read something is a tad bit old, don't fret, I'll eventually catch up!
Be Blessed
Be Blessed
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
